![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
some things to be proud of. some not so much. art progress made. hopefully made it feel something. but its not healthy to wish for that. i need to not value the opinion of such a creature. its hard not to be harsh but i know it must be too dumb and misguided to hope for better. i cant expect of others what i expect of myself. especially an unchecked creature. it can continue to live its life as i know there is no place for me there. it is now on me to hold myself accountable and dont let myself fall down any unhealthy holes. i am better than what i was. i cant say im any better than a fleeting whore that doesnt know how to connect outside short term physical relationships. im really not. im not much more. i have plenty of time, as long i utilize it. i can be better by the time i reach that age. i cannot let myself have such a low self esteem and worth. it seems like a classic case of an autist who has developed half the social skills needed, but hasnt figured out or doesnt care how their actions affect the people around them. sounds like me. maybe im projecting too much.
sunday 9/4
Sep. 4th, 2022 11:49 pmim disappointed in myself everyday. i cant seem to make the healthy choice. im not trying to destroy myself anymore but i just cant do better for myself. i dont really feel like im capable or deserve it. or im scared of my thoughts if i stop. im scared of being alone with myself. every day is stagnant. everyday the same. i cant be the person i want to be because i push myself a little too much everyday. i want a break. i want out of myself. i cant stand the smell. the taste orthe sound. itss too much. i feel worried about my future and my present. im dissatisfied in everyway. at least sabrina is here
