some things to be proud of. some not so much. art progress made. hopefully made it feel something. but its not healthy to wish for that. i need to not value the opinion of such a creature. its hard not to be harsh but i know it must be too dumb and misguided to hope for better. i cant expect of others what i expect of myself. especially an unchecked creature. it can continue to live its life as i know there is no place for me there. it is now on me to hold myself accountable and dont let myself fall down any unhealthy holes. i am better than what i was. i cant say im any better than a fleeting whore that doesnt know how to connect outside short term physical relationships. im really not. im not much more. i have plenty of time, as long i utilize it. i can be better by the time i reach that age. i cannot let myself have such a low self esteem and worth. it seems like a classic case of an autist who has developed half the social skills needed, but hasnt figured out or doesnt care how their actions affect the people around them. sounds like me. maybe im projecting too much.

havent done much. ate icecream and some ramen. i feel disgusted with myself for many reasons, i know the maggots are invading my reality. i feel scared